Healing your soul after loss of a loved one is a deeply personal choice. In some traditional societies, widows will choose to identify themselves as widows by wearing only black for the rest of their lives. They literally wear the loss of their husband on their perpetually black sleeve, for life. It’s one of many... Continue reading→

Abject Terror I write this just days after Hamas terrorists attacked Israel, committed war crimes, killing and kidnapping innocent Israelis, many of them young adults. There is a pallor that sets into my life after such events because I personally know the depth of the grief that the loss of a child will bring to... Continue reading→

September 2000, we were in Kennebunkport for a week away as a couple after a very busy and successful time in my small business. Life was good, very good. Our kids were safe at home in the care of their grandmother. It was a blustery cool day as we walked the shore and listened to... Continue reading→

We are called “Survivors of suicide” because someone we loved or knew committed suicide. When speaking or writing on grief, I focus on removal of anger as a critical step to healing. Suicide is a complex grief that makes the elimination of all anger an unreasonable expectation. Instead, we become firefighters extinguishing anger from wildfires... Continue reading→

In another post https://distillinggrief.com/2023/05/06/what-do-i-say/ I explain some points about how to speak to those grieving, in this post I address how to understand and accept those who can’t say anything.  Let’s face it; given a chance, people often take the easiest path. Perhaps part of our resentment of grief is rooted in the fact that... Continue reading→

I have a fine line on my face, a barely visible scar from the corner of my left eye to the middle of my cheek, a surgery to remove a malignant melanoma. A brilliant surgeon and technology left me as close to perfect as possible while removing the risk of malignancy. Grief wounds us, grief... Continue reading→

Four to six weeks after a death brings an emptiness and isolation to those closest to the death. Thus begins the dangerous times of grief when only the strongest still surround us. There are emotional traps in grief built on perceived “normal” timelines for healing. A large part of this issue is that many see... Continue reading→

This is an advanced and long post. Grief is not simple, it is as complex as the life we have lost. There are a few links early in the post that new followers might wish to branch off for a warm up before the main course, so that the rest of what I am saying... Continue reading→

In my years of talking and writing about grief, the most common question people want answered is “How do I get through grief quickly?” This is a continuum of the general concept that grief is an affliction, an evil thing that must somehow be eliminated from your life as quickly as possible. The pain of... Continue reading→

It begins with your attitude. If we treat grief as an affliction that needs to be cured, then naturally we will try to hurry thru grief as quickly as possible. If you believe in the process as stages of grief, we will try to do them each quickly, so we can say that we’ve been... Continue reading→